Q: Pork Roll – Suncoast Torchlighter-in-Chief
PAX: Pork Roll – Suncoast Torchlighter-in-Chief, Marc Rubenstein (ScarU), Achilles Estavillo (SideOut/JabJab/Scorpion K, Sunny The Machine Sehgal, Alan Hockenjos (Walden), Aryaman Kulkarni (MasterChef), Barry Brown (Striper), Erik Cabral (Styx), Harjot Pannu (Cruiser), Harkawal G.O.A.T, Herve Francois (Stingray), Hot Rod, Matt Hopkins (Brisket), Patrick Chow (Black Hole), RedCoat, W. Jason Griffith (F3 Risky Business), Wayne Frost (Takedown)
FNGs: None
COUNT: 17
Warm-O-Rama:
We kicked off with a light warm-up that totally didn’t fool anyone into thinking this would be an easy morning:
• Strawberry Pickers – 10 IC (because flexibility matters… until you start carrying iron uphill)
• Imperial Walkers – 10 IC (strutting like kings before the suffering began)
• Arm Circles Forward – 10 IC (loosen the shoulders for all the weight you’re about to regret picking up)
• Arm Circles Backward – 10 IC (reverse the regret)
⸻
The Thang:
We had a hill. Point A = Bottom. Point B = Top. You’d think that’d be enough information. But no. The Q decided we should:
1️⃣ Do 5 reps at the bottom.
2️⃣ Carry your weights uphill like a pack mule → do 10 reps at the top.
3️⃣ Lug them back downhill → 15 reps at the bottom.
4️⃣ Drag them back up again → 20 reps at the top.
That’s 50 reps per exercise. Eight exercises. Four hundred total reps. Plus all the climbing. Oh, and you never put your weights down. This was “leg day” plus “arm day” plus “cardio” plus “emotional therapy” (the last one was free).
The Victims… I mean Exercises:
• Goblet Squats – Make your quads cry.
• Dead Lifts – Make your hammies cry.
• Thrusters – Make your soul cry.
• Bent Over Rows – Pretend you’re in a rowing competition against your own willpower.
• Merkins – Just in case your chest felt left out.
• Bicep Curls – Gun show in the middle of the hill.
• Tricep Press – Wave goodbye to any remaining energy.
• Mississippi Planks – Because holding a plank while sweating into a hill is how champions are made.
⸻
The Disrupter:
Every PAX got one chance to yell “F3 Suncoast!”. When they did, everything stopped—weights dropped (gently… mostly), and we all sprinted to the top for 3 burpees. Then, like good little soldiers, we trudged back to pick up right where we left off.
Some used this as a “strategic” rest break. Others used it purely for chaos. Either way, it turned the workout into a burpee booby trap.
⸻
COT:
Count-o-Rama, Name-o-Rama, announcements, and prayers.
⸻
Moleskin / Final Thoughts:
This workout was a masterclass in full-body punishment. By the end, the hill had claimed its victims, the weights felt 50% heavier, and the PAX smelled like victory (and probably wet socks). The Disrupter ensured no one could ever relax, because nothing says “brotherhood” like making your friends do burpees at the worst possible time.
SYITG,
Pork Roll – Suncoast Torchlighter-in-Chief